So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
