If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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