cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
