Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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