brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
