Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
