Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
