i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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