i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
