my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i love accidental penises.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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