Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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