One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
