i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
