Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
