i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
