Me too!
It's Friday. Sex?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
