I just made out with a guy for $7.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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