so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
