I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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