Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
