just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The air was thick with penises
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
