I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
