I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
