Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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