The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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