Only a mothe r could love this liver
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
