I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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