god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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