anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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