Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
