Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
