if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
