im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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