She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So vagazzling was a success
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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