It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
i think i just lost a toe
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
