The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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