A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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