If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
