Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
