We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
