all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
