I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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