U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Pants are for mortals
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
