I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
