What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
