I love black thongs
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
