4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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