my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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