R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
