as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
