Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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