So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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