I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
