why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
