As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
