Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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