I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize