you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
