I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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