One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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