there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
