we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
