I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They took my balls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
