Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
