I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
