I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
