you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
