An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
