So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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