I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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