The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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