Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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