either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
