I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize