soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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