I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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